If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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