There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
