But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
