I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I woke up under a house in Key West
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