im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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