I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
P.S. I can't hear my feet
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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