Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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