Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
