my being single is dangerous.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
