The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
