remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
