She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
