Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
