Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
