with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
