Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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