her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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