I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
time to smoke my breakfast
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
