Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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