there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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