My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
