No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
