Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
