I am midnight drunk by noon
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i now understand why vodka
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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