youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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