I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
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