Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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