you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
