Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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