Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
