my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
