Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
