I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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