You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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