Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
me + whiskey = a bad person
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
