i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
