I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
