I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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