I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
