so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
