Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
