I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
