YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
