I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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