I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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