I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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