dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
