I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
