Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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