Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
