i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
