you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
