how can u be prego again
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
