sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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